The Dog and Us

I Can Cry if I Wanna, Right?

2006-08-09T13:00:00.000-06:00

How did it come to this? I’ve always considered myself a fairly-put-together kind of gal-- analytical, rational, dependable, rather reserved but accepting, a straight-shooter, if ya know what I mean. Drama was definitely not my thing. Now, though, I’m one of those other girls. You know the ones. The ones that cry when the wind changes direction, the ones that make spur-of-the-minute decisions solely based on emotion, the ones, who…well…seem dependent on others.

Want proof? Just look at past posts and notice how many times I describe myself crying. I mean, geez, I’m a freaking faucet! And talk about making rash decisions…I’m seriously considering resigning from my job--my steady-income, my I’m-relatively-good-at-and-might-even-get-a-promotion-soon job. And that would mean that I would depend on P. a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t totally put the bill-paying burden on his shoulders. I still want to make a contribution by getting some freelance gigs, but freelance checks aren’t always consistent, and “Honey, may I borrow twenty bucks” or worse “Honey, I can’t pay the electric bill this month” are scary sentences for me.

So how did I become such an emotional wreck? Well…let me see…First, it was the stress of getting Feiyan that got to me. The wait, the preparation, the feelings of inadequacies were the first crack in the emotional dam. Then, the concerns about bonding and being a good parent and the worries of something horrible happening to her (believe me, I can come up with some frightening scenarios at 2 am) made my emotional state even worse. But what really started the flood was daycare.

Yep, daycare began last week, and it was ROUGH! People said it would get better as the week progressed, but it didn’t. My departure was first met with tears, but by Friday, I had tears, screams, and clenching. Yes, the girl’s fingers literally had to be pried from my shirt. And then when I picked her up, there were more tears, but these tears weren’t shed because she didn’t want to go. Instead, they seemed to be a reaction to relief, like “I can’t believe you came back.” Seeing Feiyan like this everyday just about killed me. What she must be thinking when I leave I can only imagine. Logically, I know that she is experiencing typical separation anxiety, but I can’t help but to consider her history of being abandoned when she was six days old; then being placed in a foster home but removed from that family to go back to the orphanage; then being taken from her nanny at orphanage to be with us. Could this separation anxiety be intensified by her history of abandonment and removal? My heart is saying yes and, as a result, has me stymied with sadness. Now, if I could just get my head to do something about it.

Crap, where’s my damn tissue?

China Re-visited: Mother's Day (Daddy and Feiyan's day, too!)

2006-07-25T19:40:00.000-06:00

The Night Before and the Morning Of
The evening before we had ventured out with another couple to have Peking duck for dinner, and it was a lovely dinner, I might add. When we returned to the hotel, P. and I agreed to do all of our packing in the morning even though we knew our bags had to be outside our door by 9 am, but we also knew we probably wouldn’t get much sleep. So…bright and early we’re up and packing, and, of course, I’m already stressing about what I should put in our carry-on luggage for Feiyan. Does she need a bottle? Does she need Cheerios? What about a change of clothes? A blanket? How many diapers should I bring? Oh, I’m going to be the absolute worst mother. And on and on. This is when Paul pulled my aside and said he had something for me. He preceded to pull a little bag out of his suitcase, and this is what it contained.

The bag also held a Mother’s Day card that had the most thoughtful note from P. And so, the blubbering began.

The Afternoon
The trip from Beijing to Nanchang was uneventful. Funny, but now that I think about it, I realize that P. and I didn’t talk much during the flight. Maybe it was because we were sharing a row with someone and couldn’t really have an in-depth conversation. I do know that I spent a lot of time mulling over the events that were about to take place and how my life was going to change because of them. I had many of the same thoughts that I’d had during the wait, but this time there was an immediacy to them. So much so, that my thoughts tended to focus on the actual hand-off. I wondered if I would recognize Feiyan. I tried to imagine how big she would be and what she would look like now. I wondered if she would cry. I wondered if P. would shed a tear. I told myself, “You will not cry!” I didn’t want to scare the poor girl. I thought about how I would address the caregiver who gave her to me. I practiced a few Chinese sentences I had learned, saying them over and over again in my head as if I were really having a conversation. But most of all, I imagined what it would feel like to hold her at last.

Early Evening
We finally arrived in Nanchang. Because our agency had two travel groups, 22 families total, staying in Nanchang, it took a while to get our luggage sorted and packed away on vans that would go to the hotel. Once the vans were packed, our group then boarded a bus that was going to take us straight to the Civil Affairs office. [I had heard that the other travel group was meeting their babies the next day, but that wasn’t the case. They, too, would meet their children on Sunday, but I’m not sure where they went when they left the airport because they arrived at the Civil Affairs office later than we did.] I have to admit I was a bit shaky stepping onto that bus. My life with P. as I knew it was coming to an end, and a new beginning was taking shape. I had only an inkling of what to expect, and this made me nervous, ecstatic, giddy, and sick to my stomach all at the same time. I don’t think I was the only one with these feelings. Our bus was absolutely quiet. Each time I caught the eye of another soon-to-be-parent, I’d receive the same anxious smile I knew I must be offering as well. Our guide first handed us updated reports for each of the babies. From these reports, we learned how they had progressed developmentally from their referral and what their daily schedules were like. Our report said that Feiyan was in the orphanage, which we thought was odd because her referral papers said she lived with a foster family. We later learned that she had left her foster family 7 weeks earlier to return to the orphanage and participate in a Half the Sky program. I’ll tell you more about that later. Next, our guide spoke to us about what would happen when we arrived at the Civil Affairs building. She said our names would be called, and we would be asked to step forward, look at our daughter, and tell the official that this was indeed the child we were referred. Our guide then went on to describe what the babies’ reactions might be. I listened, but I knew that I had already prepared myself for the worst. Sadly, I knew that my best day was going to be Feiyan’s worst day. I told myself over and over again not to be surprised if she came to me screaming and squirming and maybe even slapping. However, even though logically I knew that this would be a normal reaction and in no way would reflect what her feelings would be later, the selfish emotional me was hoping that this would not be the case. To be truthful, though, the selfish emotional me scared me. Was I setting an expectation that couldn’t be met? Would I be disappointed if she did cry? I had waited so long to have a baby. I wanted the moment when I met her to be…perfect, no…calm, not necessarily…extraordinary, yes! Would a crying Feiyan make for an extraordinary moment? I kept telling myself it would. Babies cry in delivery rooms everyday, so, basically, T. get over it if she cries! Does anyone else have the rambling conversations with themselves in their heads? Just wondering. After the description of what we might encounter and assurances that she was there to help, our guide then handed out little ladybug lapel pins that lit up. I’m not really in to the whole ladybug/adoption thing, but it was a nice gesture, and seeing the lights flicker around the bus turned my anxious smile into a slightly smirky one just for a minute. But it was a nice gesture!

At the Civil Affairs Office
The bus trip from the airport to the Civil Affairs office took about an hour. We pulled up and unloaded and walked into a dark lobby that was under construction. Here the details get a little fuzzy for me. I think I was more or less on autopilot, following the lead of P. and the others in front of us. We made our way to an elevator that emptied us into a dark foyer, but turning right we came to a well-lit paneled room with picture windows and wooden benches and tables pushed up against the walls and lots and lots of babies. Walking into the room felt like walking into a nursery classroom—Oh, look at the cute babies. But it didn’t take us long to think—Hey, one of these babies is ours. So I ask P. if he sees her; he asks me the same thing. We are scanning the room, looking at the babies and the caregivers, and they are looking at us. For some reason, our group tends to be focused on the left side of the room, so P., of course, goes right. And that’s when he sees her. Well, he sees a lady pointing at him and then pointing to a picture of him that she is holding. P. wonders how it is that this woman has a picture of him before it dawns on him that the lady is holding the photo album we sent to Feiyan. And now he sees HER. He calls to me, and I see HER. And she’s waving. She’s waving at us! And she’s walking. She’s walking! Oh, her hair has grown. She’s so tiny. Look, look!
At this time, our guide is yelling, yes, yelling because it is quite chaotic in this room, for the parents to sit. We try, but there really isn’t a place for everyone, so we squat instead. Our guide then repeats what she told us on the bus that one-by-one we would be called forward. The couple we went to dinner with the night before are called first. I sneak glances away from Feiyan to see that their daughter is beautiful. D., the husband, is taping. The baby is crying. A., the wife, has tears in her eyes, and, dang it, I do, too. I turn back to wave to Feiyan, and our names are called. I look at P.; he looks at me, and then we move.

The caregiver walks Feiyan toward me, holding her hand. An official asks if this was the child I was referred. I don’t even look at him. I’m staring at her the entire time. I nod my head yes. Our guide asks the same question. I glance at her and say yes. I’m bending down now because Feiyan is making her way closer. When the caregiver lets go, I put out my arms to receive her. Feiyan walks toward me. (I swear I heard Ahhh’s.) She stops, turns the corners of her mouth down and starts to whimper. I swoop in and pick her up. She is so light. I tell her hello in Chinese and ask her how she is. She stops whimpering and just stares at me. At the same time, I’m being handed the photo album and disposable camera we sent. Before stepping back, I turn quickly to her caregiver, bow my head, and say thank you in Chinese. No, I didn’t get to say any other of the Chinese sentences I had practiced earlier. Drat! She smiles. I then return to marvel at Feiyan and then beam at P.

I’m not sure where to go now. So I head out of the room, down the dark hallway. The other travel group is waiting there, and I hear several of them give their congratulations. We are then shuffled into another room where we take our family picture. Once that is done, we make our way to the hall again, and P. gets a chance to hold Feiyan. As he is holding her, the caregivers are leaving. Feiyan’s caregiver calls to her and waves as she gets on the elevator. Feiyan looks but surprisingly doesn’t cry. We wave good-bye for her.

I have no idea how long we were in the hallway, but, finally, we are called to get back on the bus. So we make our way back down to the lobby and back on the bus. Now, the bus is filled with noise. Babies are laughing and crying; parents are laughing and crying; toys are making silly noises; daddies are making silly noises. Feiyan, though, is just soaking it all it. She holds her stuffed rabbit and my hand, and P. and I just gaze at her in amazement.
That Evening
When we get to our hotel, P. leaves immediately with our guide and other parents to buy formula, rice cereal, and diapers. Feiyan and I pass the time eating Cheerios. First, I give them to her; then, she starts picking them up for herself, and then, she begins feeding them to me. Yes, I had a Sally Field moment of “She likes me. She really likes me!” How could I not? That’s pretty much all we did for about 40 minutes until P. returned. But, that was ok. She was happy with the arrangement, and I wanted to take it slowly with her.

When P. finally did return, he took over with the Cheerios, and I made my very first bottle. Thankfully, the hotel was kind enough to have carafe already filled with hot water, so the only trouble I had was trying to figure out how many scoops were needed since the directions were written in Chinese. Then, we got her undressed, changed her diaper, giggled at her “outie” belly-button, put her in the pajamas we brought—that were way too big, by the way—and gave her the bottle. She took it without any fuss, so we got a bit ambitious and took a few pictures.

Before she completely emptied the bottle, we put her in the crib. She went right down without as much as a peep, finished her bottle, and then she slept through the night—sort of. She did have a coughing spell, but once it was over she went straight back to sleep. We, on the other hand, slept little. We were just too, too, too happy.

My, what a day!

Good Blogger, Good!

2006-07-12T10:14:00.000-06:00

I must say I was getting quite cranky with blogger. I would select and upload picture after picture, with assurances from blogger that I was "done" each time. But the stinker was foolin' me because no pictures would appear in my post But today, blogger decided to play nicely. So after a gazillion tries, finally here are some pictures.

Now you can see why she is gaining weight.

She eats and eats and eats and eats and eats...well, you get the idea.

Yum, spaghetti!

Here we are attending my cousin's wedding where the wooden pews were nice for dancing, especially when one can make lots of noise with brand new shoes.

Oh, I forgot to say that she knows how to say "pretty."

Hmm...I wonder how she learned that word?

And yea, we now have clothes that fit her. Everything we took to China was huge! I wasn't a big fan of pink before, but I think hot pink suits her, especially hot pink and ruffles. How can a girl go wrong?

Where Oh Where Has My Little Blog Gone?

2006-07-10T12:13:00.000-06:00

NOTE: Pictures forthcoming. Blogger is being a bit cantankerous this evening.

Wow! Has it really been almost two months since my last post? I guess it has, so let’s catch up.

• After a grueling 27-hour travel day, we returned home May 26. More on that later.
• I continued to take vacation that first week back. P. returned to work immediately, poor thing, but he and I are now able to take turns going into the office and working from home each week, which means Feiyan has not had to go into daycare yet.
• Speaking of Feiyan...she is doing wonderfully! It took about a week for her to adjust to her new surroundings and to her new sibling Max. But now, she has the run of the house, and she can’t stop giving Max kisses. I wish I could say that Max has adjusted nicely, but, well, let’s just say he is tolerating his new little sister. He allows the kisses, but he does steal Feiyan’s stuffed animals, thinking, of course, that they are his. Thankfully, Feiyan has enough stuffed animals that we can allow Max to have a few.
• Feiyan is definitely learning English. She understands more than she can say, but here are a few words that she is saying, or at least trying to say.
kitty-cat—this is her all time favorite word; whenever she is at a loss for something to say, “kitty-cat” is the word she relies on
meow—can’t have a kitty-cat without a meow
Baba
Mama
good girl
no, no, no—thankfully, she only says this to Max right now
bath
bubbles
duck
neigh, baa, moo, woof woof—as in “What does the horse/sheep/cow/doggie say?”
apple
bird
turtle
bottle
nose
mouth
eye
bellybutton
juice
poop—clever girl even informs us of when this event is happening
• And here are few things she can do on command.
closes the doors/drawers
retrieves specifically named items, such as animal puzzle pieces, certain toys, or clothes
sits on her bottom
points to her nose, mouth, feet, or bellybutton
picks up toys, coasters (she loves to throw these on the floor), books
waves bye-bye
gives hugs and kisses
helps getting dressed/undressed
throws the ball
dances—Ambulance Ltd. is her favorite band

What can I say, the girl is a genius!

And she’s growing! She gained 1lb. in the one month since she’s been home, which is good thing because she’s a bit underweight for her height. However, since she eats everything, we think she will catch up soon.

So there you have it—the latest! I promise to do a better job of writing. In fact, I’ve been thinking that since I was neglectful in keeping my blog going while we were in China, I should go back a bit and write about our experiences as we were getting to know Feiyan, so I’ll begin those entries next time. Really, I will! Oh, and I promise to return to reading the blogs I love, too!

Hello from Guangzhou

2006-05-23T22:26:00.000-06:00

So here we are in hot and humid Guangzhou. Getting Feiyan accustomed to the weather here is a good thing, I guess, since she will face similar conditions when we return home, but my oh my is it steamy!

Feiyan, we believe, is officially over her cold, but, alas, P. and I are still suffering. With that being said, enough of writing and on with posting pictures--requires less thinking! Plus, that's what you want to see anyway, right? There will be time to ponder and write about all our experiences when we get home.

Here's Feiyan at her medical checkup on Tuesday. As you can see, she was a very good girl.

And here she is enjoying, or maybe tolerating, her first ice cream. She's not very sure about cold food. She is, though, very sure about sugar!

P. and Feiyan in Yuexiu Park where we had a nice stroll and a nice lunch. Check out Feiyan's cute lime green shoes. What can I say, the girl loves shoes, and we've obliged by buying her four pairs.

P. and I feel quite accomplished when we get this little girl to sleep. Boy, does she fight it, but when she sleeps, she's out and does not like being disturbed. P. made that mistake yesterday, and I'm sure he learned his lesson.

Finally, We Can Post

2006-05-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

Has it really been five days? Sorry about that. Who would have known that a 18-pound, Old McDonald Has a Farm loving, watermelon slurper can take up some much of your time?

So here we are our last day in Nanchang. The weather was rainy the first couple of days, as you can see by the first picture, so most of our time was spent indoors, as you can see by the second picture. Feiyan is quite a good little walker and loves to play with her ball in the hallway. She also likes to play hide and seek. P or I will "pop out" from behind the corner, and she'll squeal and toddle toward us. The last two days, though, both Feiyan and I have been under the weather, but you can tell from the last picture that she is feeling much better today.

We are all still very tired. I did not prepare for how exhausted I would be, but each day brings us closer to readily recognizing Feiyan's needs. In fact, I would say that we are getting the hang of this parenting gig.

I'll try to post more from Guangzhou.

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

2006-05-15T08:32:00.000-06:00

After our Forbidden City/Great Wall exercusion, our travel group learned that we would be receiving our babies on Sunday, Mother's Day instead of Monday as was originally planned. In other words, we would fly to Nanchang in the afternoon and drive immediately to the Civil Affairs office.

And that's exactly what we did. What an exciting, nervewracking, chaotic, absolutely wonderful, long day! I'll tell you more about it once I've had some time to catch up on sleep. Until then, though, please enjoy these pictures.

Now We've Got the Hang of It

2006-05-12T15:24:00.000-06:00

Day 2 in Beijing was go go go, all on about $60 USD. Can you believe it? Here's what we did:
Took taxi from hotel to Yonghe Gong Temple
Walked to the Drum Tower
Had lunch in Qianhai at this hip little Chinese tappas-like place--no pizza this time!
Walked to Beihai Park
Walked to Jingshan Park
Took taxi to Temple of Heaven where our camera's battery ran out--grrr!
Took taxi back to hotel
Crashed!

Want to see pictures? Go here.

Today, we're off to Tian'anmen Square, the Forbidden City, and the Great Wall with our travel group.

Yes, I Ordered Pizza

2006-05-12T04:19:00.000-06:00

I think I know how Alice felt when she encountered the white rabbit in Wonderland. Arriving in Beijing, we ran into, I don’t know, thousands of rabbits, all seemingly late for something, or so it seems.

If the Alice and Wonderland analogy isn’t descriptive enough, try imagine Parisian driving with bicycles added to the mix, and then picture the sidewalks and street crossings as just as harried. In other words, Beijing has people everywhere going in every direction at once.

Our flight on Dragon Air from Hong Kong on Thursday was very nice. When we arrived in Beijing, one of our agency’s guide, Cathy, met us and then escorted us and another couple to our hotel. Pollution was somewhat bad in that even though it was 1pm in the afternoon it looked like dusk. Cathy helped us check in to our hotel, and then she was off, back to the airport. Now, we were once again on our own with recommendations from Cathy to get water from the small store up the street and to eat dinner at the hotel (the group tour thing doesn’t really begin until Sat.). The combination of traveling masses of people, not knowing exactly where our hotel was in the city, and the advice to stay close to the hotel had me, I’m almost embarrassed to say, in a state of culture shock. I knew I would need a bit of the familiar to help me embrace the chaotic hustle that is Beijing.

After unpacking, asking various hotel staff to show us where our hotel was on an English map (alas, we had a general idea only), and analyzing the Beijing sites in our Rough Guide while P drank a beer and I had a coffee in the lobby bar, we made our way to Ritan Park by taxi. We chose Ritan Park because it looked like a straight shot north from our hotel, it was a small enough park to wander around in an hour, there were a couple of restaurants around the park, and it was located in the section of Beijing that houses all the embassies. In other words, we would see expats and would eat at a restaurant that would cater to expats.

The park itself was quite pretty; however, we didn’t get our hour to explore it (we only took one picture; see here) because it began to rain and with the rain, the light began to dim, so we quickly set out to find a restaurant. The restaurant that we identified in the Rough Guide as the one we wanted to try doesn’t seem to exist anymore as we surmised from a very helpful guard who approached us. So…as the rain started to come down more heavily we dashed down a side street that had four to five restaurants and chose one based on looks only. The one we chose Grandma’s Kitchen. Uh huh, that’s right. Grandma’s Kitchen had painted yellow wood walls with stencils of ivy leaves underneath the chair rails that encircled the room, wood floors, and pictures of teddy bears. They served breakfast all day and had real American burgers. In fact, they had a bacon burger they described as a perfect combination of a hot dog, a hamburger, and bacon that would make Bill Crosby proud. Why, I’m not sure, but that’s what the menu said. They also had a cheery young and attentive staff, so with all kidding aside, we did stumble into a place that had exactly what I was looking for. I ordered the pepperoni pizza, and P. had the BLT. We splurged a got a bottle of red wine. What can I say, it was raining outside, and I wanted comfort food and drink!

Despite his saucy look, P. enjoyed his BLT.

With full tummies we headed back out in the rain to hail a taxi. This wasn’t an easy task. First we were accosted by a beggar woman. We gave her our left over food (I felt bad about leaving half a pizza behind), but she continued to trail behind us until another guard basically told her to buzz off. There were no taxies to be found outside the restaurant so we made our way to a major road where you think it would be easy to get one, but no. I would say it took us about 30-40 minutes of positioning ourselves just right on the road to catch one. Meter by meter we were making our way down the road because as soon as you would put your hand out, someone else would move in front of you to do the same. We were at the point of giving up when we decided to look for a hotel where we thought we would have better luck, and as luck would have it, a taxi came up a side street and this time we were positioned just right!

And thus ends our first afternoon in Beijing. Tomorrow, still on our own, we’ll conquer Yonghe Gong, Beihai Park, and the Temple of Heaven.

Here We Are in Hong Kong

2006-05-10T04:50:00.000-06:00

Whew! We made it. The journey wasn’t that bad. I had only one instance of wanting to smack someone because I was getting a bit stir crazy, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re sitting between two men with another one practically in your lap, with both pieces of personal luggage under your feet (so your husband can have more room), and it’s 2 am in the morning, and everyone is sleeping but you. But having one moment of near insanity is alright, I’m sure. Right?

So anyway…we’re now in Hong Kong, and it has officially been added to my list of favorite international cities. First of all, it’s the cleanest city I’ve ever been in. Really. No litter, no grime, no graffiti. Nada. It really is unbelievable because there are so many people here, living stacked upon each other. (The quantity, close proximity, and height of the buildings are like nothing I’ve ever seen.) Secondly, the mass transit system is super efficient and cheap. A 24-hour unlimited subway tourist pass cost each of us $50 Hong Kong dollars, which is roughly $6.00 US dollars. The ferry cost $2.20 HKD, $.27 USD! And finally, the people are just amazing. They are so polite and so helpful. We’ve not encountered any problems getting around or being understood even if the person we were speaking with did not speak English. This has definitely been as easy landing into China.

Our first day in Hong Kong, though, found us without a digital camera. For some reason, the camera will not register any images. Good thing P brought his 35mm, but I’m afraid most of the pictures from our first day in Kowloon and second day on Hong Kong Island will not be seen here, which is a shame because we have some lovely ones of two temples in Kowloon, Kowloon Park, the jade market, the vegetable market, the zoological garden on Hong Kong Island, Ladder Street, and Aberdeen. Not to worry, though, we did break down and buy another digital camera. See? I’ve posted one image below (a few more have been posted to the flickr site). It’s the scene of Hong Kong Island from outside our hotel in Kowloon. Now that the roll of film in P’s camera is coming to an end, we’ll start using the digital camera, so more images are forthcoming.

Tomorrow, we leave for Beijing!

And We're Off

2006-05-07T09:53:00.000-06:00

After a whirlwind week of organizing work projects, cleaning the house, and then cleaning debris from our yard because of not one but two severe thunderstorms (one even flung the top of our tree onto our neighbors’ two cars causing quite the damage—oi vey!), we are now making our way to China. And what better way to past the time during a four hour layover in lovely Liberty International Airport but to post to the blog.

Yes, we are now in Newark, evidently taking the long way to China, but I guess I shouldn’t complain since we were able to use frequent-flyer miles, but boy are we in for a trip. P. tells me that our flight to Hong Kong will take 16 hours; we’ll arrive there tomorrow evening. We’ll recoup in Hong Kong for a couple of days and then head to Beijing later this week to meet up with our travel group. We’ll tour around Beijing and then fly to Nanchang were we will finally meet Feiyan on May 15.

I must admit it’s somewhat strange sitting on the airplane, just the two of us, knowing that soon it will be the three of us, the three of us…um…forever. In fact, I had a little moment of anxiety, accompanied by just a few tears before we left this morning. I’d like to blame it on the ungodly hour I had to get up after having about one to two hours of sleep, but I’m afraid my nerves got the better of me. Don’t get me wrong, creating a family is an exciting adventure, and one we’ve being wanting and looking forward to for a long, long time, but it’s also a bit scary. But there’s no turning back now!

We will try to post to the blog during our time in China, and we’ll also upload pictures here: www.flickr.com/photos/thedogandus/

More to come!

Today...

2006-04-30T15:34:00.000-06:00

In the laundry room,

I spied this on the floor, and

it made my heart smile.

And finally, Act II

2006-04-26T20:02:00.000-06:00

So…in addition to the whirlwind of thoughts regarding the effects of international adoption on the country of China, I also have concerns about the effects on Feiyan.

When P. and I first discussed international adoption, we had worries about creating a multicultural family. Initially, these worries centered around how we would go about creating a balance of cultures in our house. We want our daughter to be knowledgeable and appreciative of her birth culture, but at the same time we don’t want this awareness to make her feel different from the rest of her family. This concern was quite minor, though, since P. and I already represent a blend of two cultures—American and British. How difficult can it be to add one more? Yea, yea, research for us and reaching out to the Asian community, but that’s nothing we can’t handle.

Then, the concerns evolved to how we would deal with racism, and I have to admit I’m still a bit stumped on this one seeing as how I’ve not personally experienced racism. I look around at my neighbors’ children who all have blonde hair and wonder what they will think of Feiyan and what Feiyan will think of them. I hear racist comments made about Asians by people I care about and get tongue-tied when I try to respond because deep down I know their intent is not malicious but the result is still hurtful. And all of this reminds me how I unprepared I am. I guess I should be thankful that at least the racism radar is activated. Now, I need to figure out strategies—my plans for attack--for dealing with it.

In the midst of all this, the abandonment and loss issues surrounding adoption were always present. Feiyan will never know her birthparents, and as a result she will be sad and angry at different points in her life. And I agonize over how I’m going to help her through these times. Will I say the right things? Will she believe me? How will I convince her? And to add insult to injury I know that some of her anger will be directed at me, and if I’m honest…this is going to hurt like hell!

Regardless of all these worries, the ones for China and the ones for a little girl, we remained constant in our desire to create a family, and in doing so, we remain hopeful for a happy ending.

Much Ado about Adoption, Act I

2006-04-19T19:04:00.000-06:00

Just when I think I have these nagging doubts about the ramifications of international adoption nicely tucked in the darkest, deepest corner of my mind--BOOM--something turns on the spotlight. This time it was the 60 Minutes segment that aired this past Sunday on the effects of China’s one-child policy.

A simplistic summary of the report is that the one-child policy will lead to the demise of Chinese society. And guess who is contributing to this demise? Uh huh, you guessed it; I am. By adopting a little girl from China, I am

denying a Chinese young man a wife
providing criminals an excuse for kidnapping baby girls and then selling them to orphanages
promoting the “export” of baby girls, especially, to the US and other European countries

Now, I know what you’re thinking. The fact is that there are children in Chinese orphanages, lots of them. And what’s better for these children—to be raised in an orphanage and have uncertain futures or to be raised in America and have plenty of opportunities presented to them in their futures? Well, sure, the latter is the better option. But, and notice the “but” begins with a capital “B,” I’m not adopting because I want to save a little girl from a so-so childhood and an iffy future. No, no, no, a thousand times NO, I’m not that good. This is not a “wonderful thing I’m doing,” which so many people have told me. No, I’m adopting for purely selfish reasons. I want to have a child. It seems, though, that my selfishness has consequences in a global sense.

"I think it [international adoption] good for children themselves. But it is not good for a country to solve your problem," as said by a Chinese official of the Family Planning Commission during an interview with CBS.

Realistically, I know that I'm not solely responsible for the negative impacts of international adoption on Chinese culture, but I can't help but feel guilty for the small role I'm playing. I just can't. And you know what? Truth be told, I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of these nagging thoughts. Oh no, what about the effects of international adoption on the children being adopted, specifically Feiyan?

More guilt to come in Act II.

Just You Wait T. by Max

2006-04-15T21:12:00.000-06:00

The other day T. was flitting about saying something about how I was going to have a “spa day” soon, like it was a big treat or something. Well, yippee-do-dookie, is what I say about “spa days.” I mean what’s so great about being couped up in a cage for 5 hours with other little prissy dogs who are barking their fluffy heads off? And then when you do get out of that cage, some yahoo puts you on a little table with this horrible tight collar around your neck, giving you warnings about staying perfectly still in a sappy-sweet and insincere voice. Uh, no need to tell me twice. I mean do you think I would be jumping around when this guy has scissors near some delicate areas?

But whatever, I know T. gets all gushy when she sees me after my “spa day,” telling me how handsome I am and such, and I do usually get a rawhide bone out of it, so I put up with the yapping and clipping. Little did I know, though, that this “spa day” would be different from all the other “spa days.” Oh yes, much different! Just see for yourself. Look at what that evil, evil girl did to me.

I am so humiliated.

I am so pissed.

I am so going to you make you pay for this T.

The Final Wait Begins

2006-04-14T19:55:00.000-06:00

So a new countdown begins--the countdown ‘til we see Feiyan. Counting today, we have 31 more days until we get to hold her, tickle her, bounce her, cry with her, laugh with her, dress her, change her, feed her, put her to sleep, share our life with her, love her.

Our consulate appointment was confirmed a couple of days ago, and we will be leaving for China during the second week of May. P and I will head to Hong Kong first to take advantage of some frequent-flyer miles and to have a mini-vacation. From Hong Kong, we’ll fly to Beijing to meet up with the rest of our agency’s travel group and to do a little sightseeing. Then, we’re off to Nanchang, and there we’ll finally be united with Feiyan—just 31 days! After Nanchang, the family (I like the sound of that) will travel to Guangzhou for our consulate appointment, and then it’s one more night in Hong Kong before we depart for home. Whew! I get tired just describing what’s to come.

So what will I do to occupy my time during the next 31 days? Don’t worry, I’ve now added to my to-do lists and have even created new lists. In fact, I stayed up until 3am to write mine and Feiyan’s packing lists the other day. Writing down the clothes and our personal effects was easy, but I must admit I got a little stuck while trying to list the food and feeding items. I re-read Feiyan’s growth report, written when she was 11 months old, and saw that she takes a bottle two to three times a day, enjoys noodles and congee, and eats paste. But would all of this be true 5 months later? Now, you can see why I was up until 3am. In the end, I decided to list these items on the packing list: some disposable bottles that can be reused, some rice cereal, some formula, some finger foods, a sippy cup, a bowl, and a spoon. I figured I could buy whatever else she may need. Boy, was I glad when I heard this little voice say, “Hey, T, you know what? You can buy stuff when you’re in China!” because then I could finally get some sleep.

The joys of motherhood, right? Isn’t it funny how my concerns have shifted from the more profound worries, like will I be a good mother and how will I deal with race and adoption/abandonment issues and oh, yea, how will I survive the teenage years, to the more mundane, albeit still important, like what foods should I pack, which diapers should I purchase, and do I really need to wash everything before she wears or uses it? Oh, to ponder the rhetorical questions. Those were the days.

Just to prove that I’m sweating only the small stuff now, take a look at the nursery pictures. It isn’t quite finished. I still need to purchase a mirror, a pretty toy/book storage thingy, and a few more wall hangings—pictures or shelves or something. See, what did I tell you? There are no life-changing epiphanies here, no moral dilemmas, no issues for which I should consult a therapist. You’ll find only this…Where can I get a pretty toy/book storage thingy, and what the heck is paste?

TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA!

2006-04-06T17:44:00.000-06:00

No, not ta-tas (you know that's what you were thinking), TAs, as in TRAVEL APPROVALS, came today. What does that mean? Well, the CCAA has accepted our referral acceptance and has officially invited us to China in order to adopt Feiyan. Our agency is requesting a consulate appointment* for the week of May 15, which if approved, means we will travel around May 5th. May 5th! That's less than a month away. A month! Gulp!

*Everyone who adopts from China must visit the American consulate in Guangzhou to complete adoption paperwork. This appointment drives the departure date.

A "Delay"ed Response

2006-04-05T20:06:00.000-06:00

Ding dong Delay is done. Oh, happy day!
See here. Ain't it dandy?

Woe is Me

2006-03-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

Where does the time go? Lately, I don’t feel like I have a minute for myself. You would think that after receiving our referral all my free time, scratch that, all of my time would be centered around baby doings, but, alas, no. I seem to spend a good deal of time fretting about work, work work and home work. (Albeit, some of the home work is getting ready for Feiyan’s arrival.) Still, my to-do lists (yes, list is plural) don’t seem to be getting shorter. If anything, I tend to mark off only a couple of items each day and then add four to five more. It’s like these lists are on growth hormones or something!

Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about... Today, P. got up early to go for his weekend run. I got up with him but not to enjoy a muffin and a cup of coffee over the paper. No, I got up to make the bed, put a load of clothes in the wash, review bids from two vendors, do a quick dust of all the rooms, vacuum, and store P.’s sweaters in a storage box. And the work didn’t stop when P. got home. Oh no, I gave him an earful on how I needed his help in finishing the household chores. Of course, he was a dear about it and pitched in, but he also reminded me that I couldn’t keep up this cleaning pace when Feiyan arrived. He then went on to add that I couldn’t keep up the work routines I’ve developed lately either.

"Yeah, yeah," I thought, but as I was “swifting” under the furniture the vacuum wouldn’t fit, I realized P. was right (yes, P, I admit it). Something would have to give. I mean I can give up morning sustenance to do a power clean, but Feiyan won’t. And I don’t think Feiyan will like it very much if I stay at work an hour more or so each day or work an additional two hours at home each evening. No, something will have to give, but the question is: What? And what the answer is I’m not sure, but I’ll give it some thought as I go now to get the towels out of the dryer. Drat, that buzzer!

Definitely Worth the Wait!

2006-03-12T18:22:00.000-07:00

After a week-and-a-half delay because DHL lost our referral in transit from China to the US, and after a two-day delay because FedEx delivered our referral to a neighbor up the street (a story for another time), we FINALLY received our paperwork on Saturday. So without further delay, here she is...

Fu Feiyan

We, of course, think she is absolutely adorable, and maybe even a little sassy--check out the face in the bottom picture--and we were so excited to see her. Even Max got into the spirit. Just check out his reaction to seeing Feiyan's pictures.

"Whee, she's got a convertible! My little sister rocks!"

Daddy's Home--Let the Celebration Begin!

2006-03-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one night? Uh huh, that's right. The Dog and Us house is celebrating. Whoo hoo! Come on in and join the party.

And it begins...Here are all the e-mail updates from our agency, the medical report, and the wine we bought in Siena, Italy several years ago and saved just for this night, the night we know our daughter.

Here's P in his PJs. Uncork that bottle!

And here's T pouring the wine (I know P you want more!)...

while big brother, or big Bubba as we say in Texas, looks on. (No, please do not start calling Max Bubba now. He doesn't like it.)

And finally, a toast to Fei Yan, our little one, from your happy, happy parents!

Max Gets a Little Sister

2006-03-01T19:17:00.000-07:00

So we know a little about little one now, and we'd love to share it with you. Here's the information the CCAA sent to our agency today.

Her name: Fu Fei Yan
Birthdate: January 22, 2005 (13+ months)
Height at 11 months (12/12): 26.4 inches
Weight at 11 months (12/12): 16.5 lbs.
Province: Jiangxi
SWI: Fuzhou

We will get a growth report that gives a brief description of how she's doing on Friday. Our agency is still working with CCAA to see when they can re-issue referral documents, including a picture. They are also talking to DHL to see if they can find the freakin' package. Fingers crossed that one will come through and soon! Because P, Max, and I are anxious to start travel arrangements and because we can't wait to see her!

Lost Daughters of China--Yeah, Mine!

2006-02-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Late last week, I had hoped that today's post would include information and a picture of our new daughter, but, alas, we have neither. Why you ask. Well, it seems that our referral as well as the referrals of 63 other famililes from my agency and 47 from another are lost. What's that you say? How could this happen? Well...I'm not quite sure. Maybe the DHL plane went down on a deserted island, and a hairy-faced dude will show up on my doorstep in a couple of years with a beat-up DHL package and a blood-smacked soccer ball, which, of course, will do me no good. Maybe aliens abducted the DHL courier and are analyzing the contents of his package. {That one is for you, BH!} Maybe theft of DHL packages is a new Al-Qaeda terrorist tactic, or Osama is just messing with me. Who the hell knows?

Our agency doesn't know. That's for certain. They say they've contacted the CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs), and the CCAA says that they mailed two packages on Friday, both carrying the same tracking number. Our agency also says they've contacted DHL. DHL says that they delivered a package to our agency with the tracking number that matches the CCAA number on Monday, but they have no record of a second package. You'd think that DHL and(and FED EX, for that matter) would give two different tracking numbers or label one package A and the other package B to make tracking more efficient. If only I were in charge...

So what's going to happen? Well...we don't know that either. Our agency says that they will maintain contact with CCAA and DHL. Um ok. But how are they trying to resolve this? Our agency said they would ask, per families' requests (I find it surprising that it's not an agency request, too), if the CCAA could send copies of the missing referrals. However, the agency did not believe this would be a realistic option. Why not? I mean how hard would it be for 1 or 2 people to spend a couple of hours in front of a copy machine? People at my office do this every day. Again, if I were in charge...

The agency didn't give any indication of another solution. My fear is that they expect us to wait it out. Now, waiting because you know something is on it's way is one thing; waiting to see if something that is lost shows up is another. What if the lost referrals are never found? Then what?

I've got a good mind to go to the agency and DHL and start stomping my foot, among other things.

The Waiting Game

2006-02-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Waiting for a referral can be hard for someone who is impatient and who likes to be in control of all aspects of her life, but, surprisingly, the waiting has became second nature for me. It is just something I do. So how did I keep my impatience and control tendencies in check? Easy. Logically, I know that processing a dossier is something I can’t control so why even worry about it. I just have to wait, and waiting is just part of the process. It is something everyone who is adopting from China must do. It’s a rite of passage, so to speak. So I hunkered down, dug in, and waited and waited and waited and am, in fact, still waiting.

But now, the waiting is getting to be difficult because NOW we’ve been told we’re possibly, more than likely, it could really happen, next. And what does “next” actually mean? “Next” is next week. NEXT WEEK! Yep, that’s right.

So NOW, waiting for a referral is like…
waiting for your number to be called while standing in line at the meat counter on the evening of Christmas Eve
counting down the months, the weeks, the days until your dream vacation begins or until your worst job ends
climbing a mountain with an obscured peak
taking a test where you don’t know if the next page will contain more items or will have a big “STOP” sign
trying to get to a place you’ve never been on roads you’ve never traveled in less than the normal amount of time it usually takes

Now, waiting just plain sucks!

Can't a Mommy Brag on Her Baby?

2006-02-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have such a motherly affection for our dog Max. So much so that I have to admit that I'm one of those annoying dog owners who refers to herself as "Mommy." I know. I know, but I just can't help it. Our eight-year-old Golden-retriever-mix-rescued-from-the-local-animal-shelter is absolutely, beyond any doubt, the best dog in the world. Let me prove it to you. Here are just a few of the reasons why we love Max:

1. He’s the softest dog I know.
2. He walks around mud puddles, and you can even tell him not to get his paws dirty by walking in the flower beds after it has rained, and he’ll honor your request.
3. He loves to snuggle, especially in the morning, and so do I. He’ll even let you sleep in on the weekends.
4. He’s had only one, yes one, accident in the house, and that was when he was sick. (His accident was on the bath mat, and he even turned part of it over to cover it—no lie.)
5. When I haven’t seen him for a while, he gallops toward me with his head cocked to the side, which is super cute.
6. He still acts like a puppy, pounding the ground with his front paws when he wants to play. See the picture? Isn’t he adorable?
7. He makes a sheepish grin when he knows that I know he’s been on the sofa. He also gives this same grin when P talks to him in the morning.
8. He closes his eyes and looks completely relaxed when I sing to him while he’s getting brushed.
9. He barks at the right moments. By-the-way, he barks at all mail carriers, no matter if they are on the front porch or at the coffee shop. He knows the uniform. I’m serious.
10. You can say, “Say Woof,” and Max will say, “Woof!”
11. He has clean ears.
12. When we’re hiking on a trail, he’ll go off the trail to do his business. Of course, I pick it up, but isn’t Max considerate?
13. Speaking of walking, he doesn’t ever pull on his lead.
14. When he is off his lead, he follows our command to stay nearby.
15. You can leave food on the coffee table, and he won’t touch it.
16. He stands in the hallway and looks at us when it’s time to go to bed.
17. He turns over on his back and tries to hold his toys with his two front paws, which again, is super cute.
18. You can tell him which toy to retrieve—duck, frog, ball—and he can tell the difference—most of the time.
19. He does a funny little quick-quick dog paddle with his two front paws when he begins to swim. It’s almost as if he is testing himself to see if he still knows how.
20. If he’s in the front yard, he will sit without being asked to when a car drives by.
21. He follows me wherever I go in the house, keeping me company except if I’m vacuuming.
22. He loves kids and is so gentle with them.
23. When his ball goes underneath a piece of furniture, Max is very careful about retrieving it. He doesn’t even slide on the hardwood floors when fetching.
24. He half-heartedly chases squirrels, and he never chases cats.
25. He adores us, and we adore him!

The Road Less Traveled

2006-02-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

Recently, I’ve seen quite a flurry of blog posts regarding the media’s depiction of celebrity adoption. Because Angelina and now Meg have both adopted internationally, it seems, according to the press, to be quite chic to have a baby of a different culture sitting on your hip, just as it was quite hip to wear big-eyed sunglasses on your nose last summer. So glad to know I’ll be in the cool crowd this year.

Seriously, though, this discussion has now led to questions regarding the motivation of those that turn to adoption to begin or expand a family. Surely, I don’t think anyone believes that people adopt because it’s trendy. But often people wonder if people who adopt do so because they couldn’t have a biological child. It’s a natural curiosity, and it’s often the reason. But in thinking that, adoption now looks like a way of settling, a second choice.

This idea struck home the other day when a friend and I were discussing levels and costs of different fertility treatments and whether it was worthwhile to put money toward more complex treatments or put money toward something else, like adoption. In the conversation, she innocently made a comment to this effect: “Look at you. You’ve spent a lot of money on different treatments, with nothing to show for it. Now [through adoption], though, you will get a baby, but you wouldn’t have adopted if you could have had your own child.”

Ouch. Well, yes, I guess. No, I know the statement is true. She was right, but for some reason, it got my hackles up. Again, it sounds like I’m “settling” for an adopted child, and I don’t feel that way, and I certainly don’t want my daughter to feel that way either. So I now feel the need to disprove this theory of “settling” of “second choice” not only for myself, but also, and more importantly, for my daughter. And I think the best way to do that is to share how P and I came to adopt.

Like most couples, P and I wanted to have children, and so we tried, and ta da I got pregnant, but that pregnancy ended when we didn’t see a heartbeat during our first ultrasound. To say that we were devastated would be an understatement. Never again would I feel in subsequent pregnancies the uninhibited joy and happiness as I did with this first. And yes, there were more pregnancies, but none were successful. Of course with these losses, came lots of questions as to why miscarriages happen and what, if anything, could I do to prevent them or to increase my chances of carrying a baby to term. With the questions came many visits to the bookstore and many late-night searches on the Web, but I wasn’t just looking up infertility information. I was also looking at information regarding adoption. Quietly, I was visiting sites for adoption agencies and families who had adopted. But I did this in secret; in fact, I don’t think I even mentioned it to P. You see, adoption was there; somewhere off to the side. It was a path I knew about, one that I was becoming familiar with and even found comfort in knowing that it existed, but it was a path I wasn’t quite ready to find.

Why wasn’t I ready? The best answer I can give is that I was selfish and proud. Giving birth, I believed, was my God-given right as a woman. I wanted this experience. I needed it. Everyone else seemed to be able to master it; I should be able, too. If I couldn’t, then I, as a woman, as a wife, was a failure, and I could NOT be a failure. See… selfishness and pride.

But each miscarriage was a failure—one…two…three…four…five…six…seven failures. I couldn’t continue. We couldn’t. This path, this one to have a biological child, had come to an end. Was it difficult to turn around? Hell, yes! The realization that I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have the experience I expected, I wanted, I needed, and I felt that I deserved was again devastating.

But even though these failures tested my self worth, the selfishness and pride were still within me. I still wanted to be a mother. I still wanted to create a family with P. And I was determined that I would…selfishness and pride…

So I found myself at a cross-road. And there it was, the path I knew about, the one that few travel, but one that leads to the same destination—a family. I was ready now; we [I have a wonderful husband] were ready to take the adoption path, but not because we were settling for a second choice, but because we had to discover it first.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

2006-02-01T23:29:00.000-07:00

Thankfully, it was not I who was sucking on her toes. Instead, it was the Contractor's assistant, a sweet girl with whom I had the following conversation over the phone.

SG: T! How's the baby growing?
Me [a bit blindsided; I had cabinets on my mind]: The baby? The baby. Um...I guess she's growing... somewhere?
SG: So you're feeling ok then?
Me [Now, the light bulb had come on. Evidently, SG was told that I'm "expecting."] : Oh, SG, I'm not pregnant.
SG: You're not? I thought Contractor said you were preparing a baby's room. I'm sorry. I must have gotten you confused with someone else. We're working with another couple who is expecting, but I could've sworn Contractor said...
Me: No, no. You've got it right. We are preparing a baby's room. P and I are adopting a baby from China.
SG: Adopting? That's great! I'm so happy for you.
Me [very pleased with SG's response]: Thank you. We're happy about it, too.
SG: I'd say. And since you're adopting, you won't have to deal with morning sickness or swollen...uh...well...you won't...um...

Ok, so I don't know what was going on in SG's head when she began to stammer, but I'd like to imagine that it was something like this: "Huh, maybe she wouldn't have minded morning sickness or swollen feet or swollen ankles or swollen hands or a swollen belly. Maybe she tried to have a baby. Oh no, why did I say that? Oh crap, what should I say now? Oh, thank goodness, she's talking instead of me."

Me [interrupting but in a "I'm going to help you out" kind of way]: Yes, and I can have alcohol at my baby shower.

And the moral of this story is...? Anyone?

A Salute to the DIYers We Love

2006-01-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

The nursery...the little yellow room that we knew would need a crib, a rug, and possibly a night light. What other sorts of items would we need for practical purposes and for just being pretty purposes? We didn't know. Good thing we had help. Just check out all the nifty things people have made for us.

The Quilt
How pretty is this? P's sister made it. See, we've got proof. That's her signature right there in the corner. (And yes, we know about "bunde." What of it? It's Aunt H's pet name for little one. It is; we swear!)

The Dresser

And what about this beauty? Ok, so it's not painted, and the drawer pulls are missing (jobs for P and T), but it's handmade. Oh, yes it is! Hubby's father made it. This was his very first venture as a furniture craftsman, and we think he did an awesome job. Hubby's dad also just helped us hang molding as a chair rail in the nursery. We'll post pictures of the room later.

The Flowers

Even I got into the crafty spirit. Just check out these flowers I made to hang atop the chair rail. Oh, and P helped, too. He did the dangerous part of cutting the Balsa wood with a razor. For those of you wondering, yes, he still has 10 fingers.

The Picture

No, no one we know painted this picture, but hubby did buy it all by himself, and in our house that counts as a DIY project. It's a wonderful painting, isn't it? We like looking at it, and we can't wait for little one to see it for herself.

"The Way I See It" by Max

2006-01-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

So T and I are in the room where she and P used to have this oh so comfy dog bed. They called it a love seat, and I can see why because how you could not love it? It was uber soft and just the right size for me to curl up and take naps while everyone was out of the house. I miss that dog bed/love seat, whatever you want to call it. Anyway, I digress.

So T is unpacking this box, and all of sudden it's like Christmas all over again. She pulls out one stuffed toy and then another and another and another. There are big ones, little ones, dark ones and light ones. I may be color blind, but I can tell a difference between shades. And I can certainly count. There were a lot of toys. All for me! I must have done something really good to deserve this. Although, for the life of me, I can't remember what.

So anyway...I flash T one of those looks. You know the one, the one that says, "Gee, thanks. You shouldn't have, but I'm oh so glad you did." And then being the gentleman I am, I casually stroll over and select one toy, one will do. I've got oodles of time to play with them all, so there's no need to be greedy. Well, to my surprise, T asks me to give the toy back to her, saying, "No, no, Max. That's for the baby." Well, duh, I know that, silly woman. So give it back. I AM the baby!

Dig my new diaper bag?

2006-01-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

Check out my new diaper bag. I won it on an Ebay auction, saving a wooping 40 smackers!

A couple of days ago, some wicked person outbid me at the last possible minute to win another bag I had bid on, but this time, I turned the tables on another bidder. Sorry "tons3743," but I had to have me this bag. To be fair, though, I did have one eye on the Golden Globes and one eye on the computer screen. I guess I'm just a speedy refresher.

I had this bag listed on our gift registry, but I figured someone wouldn't shell out $130 for a gift for me. If it were for the baby, maybe, but for me, nah. And they shouldn't--buy the bag for me that is. So...I bought it for myself! Uh huh, I'm doing the "I got the diaper bag. Oh yea!" dance.

China Travel Tip--Pack Snacks!

2006-01-14T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today hubby and I attended an adoption travel training workshop arranged by our agency. This event provided hubby and me with some real head scratchers. Just see for yourself.

The you must be joking...experience--
While waiting for said presentation to begin, hubby and I are surveying the other expectant parents, with whom we are sitting in a circle, when hubby notices that some couples have small coolers with them.
Hubby [with eyebrows raised]: Oh, they brought food. See the coolers and the grocery bags.
Me [annoyed]: Yes, the invitation said we were to bring snacks since we're not breaking for lunch.
Hubby [looking around for other wives who didn't bring food, makes eye contact with the nosy lady next to him who is obviously listening to our banter]: Hpmf, we didn't bring snacks. Did you bring snacks?
Nosy Lady: Yes, but not enough to share. I mean if we were on a deserted island, that would be different. Of course, we'd share, but we're not...on a deserted island.
Hubby: Oh, yes, well...good thing we had a big breakfast. [Hubby quickly looks to me for help, but I have to turn away to keep from laughing.]

The you want to know what?...experience--
Here are a few of the questions asked during the Q & A session.
"Are the beds really short?"
"Is it true that the Chinese will take your temperature before boarding a plane, and if you have one, they won't let you travel?"
"China has WalMarts? Are they like ours?"

The oh no you didn't...experience--
I have to give hubby credit because he tried again to have a conversation with the nosy lady. Here's how his second attempt went.
Hubby: So when was your paperwork completed?
Nosy Lady: May. We were DTC (dossier to China) in May. You?
Hubby: Yes, May for us, too.
Nosy Lady: Isn't this wait just horrible? I mean I thought we would have traveled by now. I had to go "no e-mail" on the Yahoo groups because it is getting so sad.
Hubby [who has no idea with go "no e-mail" means but soldiers on anyway]: Yes, the wait is longer than we expected.
Nosy Lady: But what can you do? I mean if they don't have babies approved for international apoption, what can you do? You can't do anything. I mean it's not like they don't have babies. At least they have babies. Praise be to God.
Hubby: Um...yeah...the wait...it's long.

And so was this workshop--4 hours! But the best is yet to come. We will be spending 2 weeks traveling China with these same people. I better pack snacks!

New Year Redo

2006-01-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

A new year has begun, and my resolutions are already broken.

Resolution #1: Don't let work rule my life; work the agreed upon 7.5 hours each day and then get out of there!
I broke this rule EVERY day last week! Instead of working 7.5 hours each day, I averaged 8.5 hours. I realize to some 8.5 hours isn't that much, but for me it is, especially when "others" average 5-hour, 4-day work weeks. And you know who you are! I must do better next week. NO, I will do better next week.

Resolution #2: Be mindful of my spending.
Ok, so I bought a $15.oo shirt from Target. C'mon, $15. Target. And I sweet talked dear hubby into buying a TV for our new study, a mattress pad for the crib, and adorable footed PJs for little one. And yes, I put the grocery charges on my Visa because I have absolutely no cash. But I bought sandwich meat at the grocery store. What's the big deal? Well, now, I won't have to spend money on lunches next week. That's a start, right? Even if I am a week late.

Resolution #3: Prepare myself for motherhood.
I didn't really break this resolution as much as I got freaked out by it. AGAIN! Yesterday, hubby and I decided to take a trip to Babies R Us to compare car seats. See, I thought I was preparing myself. I had even done my car seat research on Consumer Reports. But when we got to the store, I couldn't just look at car seats. No, I had to wander THROUGHOUT the store. Big mistake. So there I was surrounded by swelling bellies. Swelling bellies of mommies-to-be who knew exactly what they wanted, and not just which car seat. The knew which burp pad, which receiving blanket, which pack-n-play, which pacifier, which bottle, which stroller, which everything would be the best products for their babies. These women must have gotten degrees in Consumer Reports. Me? I'm walking around with my same ole sized belly, and I don't know even know if I need a burp pad. I should have never left the car seat aisle. Once again, I was reminded not only physically but also mentally how I'm not an expectant mother. Oh my, I must do better. No, I will do better, starting next week!

Yummm...Spaghetti and WINE

2005-12-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Is there anything better than a cool December evening with comfort food like spaghetti and a glass of red wine? Ok, maybe two glasses of red wine. Ok, maybe just an evening, no matter the weather, and two glasses of wine, no matter which kind, and food--well, who needs food with two glasses of wine.

So, yes. It's a celebration of sorts. You see, today I didn't do any work (work work, the kind that makes money), and I'm happy about it. Ecstatic, really. I was suppose to take vacation from Dec. 22 to Jan. 3, but for some reason (Reason: Personality Type A) I have worked every day except Dec. 25 and TODAY! I didn't even check my work e-mail. And you know what? I'm glad about it. More than glad, I'm ECSTATIC! I deserve the time off, by golly!

I did do house work, though. I took down all the Christmas decorations, and I hung some cute cafe lights on the back porch. Ok, I just positioned them and then directed hubby on how to use the staple gun to really hang then. I hate the staple gun. It's just plain scary. But I love to direct hubby.

I also checked the China adoption boards regarding the latest news of referrals. Hubby and I are adopting a daughter from China, and we are now waiting for our referral. When we first began the process, we thought the referral would come in Dec., but, alas, referrals have been delayed. In fact, we're now looking for a Feb. referral, maybe Jan., but I'm thinking Feb., just because that's the pessimist I am. Although, when I saw that the CCAA (China Center for Adoption) has processed all the dossiers up to April 25, I had to take another sip of my wine--well, maybe a gulp. Sure Chinese New Year will probably put our referrals off to Feb., but, geez, Feb. seems so close, exceptionally close when one is not ready to become a mother like me.

I mean we have a crib, a crib mattress, a fitted crib sheet, a crib quilt (thanks to hubby's sister), and a crib skirt on order. We have three sippy cups, some wipes, baby shampoo, baby lotion (all thanks to hubby's mother). We also have soft blankie (thanks to my mom), some books, and some outfits (sizes 12-18 months). But I don't know the first thing about using these items, except for maybe the blankie and the books. And we don't have a car seat, a rug to warm her room, or even PJs. And what if she is smaller than 12 months or larger? Then I won't have any outfits. Oh, and what about diapers? Holy sh*%t, I'm so not prepared!

I think I need some more spaghetti and definitely a third glass of wine.